A Heavenly Christmas: Falls From Grace 

Ostara sat in her cloud with a hole scooped out just big enough to see through.  She lay on her tummy with her feet kicking the frozen air around her.  This morning he was on the computer when she "tuned in".  Five in the morning and he sat there playing game after game.  "Well," she thought, "at least he's only drinking coffee."  At 7 precisely he shut down the computer and took off his shirt.  "Oh!" escaped her lips as little gold snowflakes began to fill the hole.  Ostara tried to scoop them away, but the more she scooped, the faster they fell.  "How am I supposed to learn about human behavior if I can't see everything?" she cried to no one.  With a sigh she rolled over and drifted slowly to her tree. 

 

At last he opened the door of his sad little apartment.  She took a hop and was on the roof of his car just after he shut the door, careful to keep her scent from him.  Now if she could only control her laughter.  The roads were even slicker today and her resolution was useless.  How could she resist laughing when he swooped around the turns almost knocking her off?  Apparently he had decided that he could drown out the bells if he turned the radio up loud enough.  She could hear the morning DJ's even without angel hearing.  Since he didn't seem to mind, she thoroughly enjoyed the ride in laughing hysterically the moment he slid into work successfully riding the vehicle of its extra passenger.  Ostara decided to wait until Nick went inside before removing herself from the snowdrift.  "My, that was fun!  Next time I'll have to try a race car!"  She hurried in to catch up with Nick.

 

He entered the office and created a quick sign for the time clock.  "Meeting 8:05 am in Break room” He was going to give it a try.  The more Nick thought about it, the better it sounded.  He loved the idea of tricking them into working harder.  Most of the year they hardly did anything anyway.  Except maybe Andy.  Maybe he'll give Andy the whole day off on Christmas Eve.  It'll serve Jim right for being such a dickhead.  Nick actually grinned as he posted the sign. 

 

It was still 7:30.  Nick sat down at his desk, putting together as many pull sheets as he could.  He knew he'd have to update them, even the ones for today, but at least there would be no lull in the work.  He heard the employees start to arrive.  he knew he had their attention by the buzz of voices swelling in the break room.

 

At 8:05 precisely he entered the break room and laid out the week's plan for his employees.  As Ostara listened she was thrilled that, not only did Nick use her suggestion, but that his employees were excited about it as well.  Maybe she'd do ok on this assignment after all!  On his way out the door, Andy suggested playing music on the loudspeaker while they worked.  Ostara got even more excited when Nick agreed.

 

All morning long Ostara danced around the warehouse enjoying the music from the radio.  She had never heard this kind of music.  Every time a Christmas song played she'd run to each employee and whispered into their ear until everyone was singing along by the end of the song.  Everyone, but Nick that was.

 

Ostara decided she just didn't have enough time in one song to get them all going so she quietly and with great stealth made a little change in the station.  She just had to remember to change it back before anyone realized that she had set the human radio on her favorite Heavenly station.  For the rest of the day Nick's employees were like real elves packing the sleigh with cheerful singing and an angel dancing to the carols.  Everyone sang except Nick.  Ostara watched him carefully though and would have sworn her angelic ears picked up a hum or two.  Even Nick couldn't resist the Heavenly chorus.  At 4:00 Nick dismissed everyone with a sense of satisfaction.  Even Jim had worked hard today with no complaints.

 

Nick sat at his desk with the first sense of satisfaction he had had in a very long time.  Maybe things were finally looking up for him.  He started putting together the paperwork for tomorrow with a smile on his face.  Knowing this, Ostara was still out in the warehouse dancing and laughing at the corner furthest from the office.  She had had a very good day.

 

It wasn't until the lights went off that she made her appearance outside the door.  She made sure to stand so the wind would blow away from Nick.  She just had to see his eyes.  Just for a moment. 

 

Nick stepped out the door and turned to take in the cold night air.  One thing he liked about winter, the only thing really was how clear the night sky was.  He stretched his hand out as though to grab a handful of stars.  “Just out of reach!” he said with a smile. 

 

"He's a dreamer!" Ostara thought with surprise.  She looked at him in profile.  She couldn't resist a happy Nick and brushed her fingers lightly across his cheek.  He raised his hand to find traces of snow on his glove.  He gave a shiver as she drew away suddenly afraid of him.

 

He hurried to his car, but Ostara stood rooted to her spot.  Afraid?  Why would an angel be afraid?     The only thing an angel had to be afraid of was the wrath of god, and that was long and slow in surfacing.  Oh, and now she had missed her ride home!  She hurriedly popped into Nick's favorite bar only he wasn't there.  His seat was empty and since she couldn't ask Bill the bartender if he had been there she popped to Nick's apartment. 

 

Moving toward the window she noticed he had dropped mail all along the path.  It was opened and it didn't look good.  Most of his mail contained bills and collection letters.  As she bent over to pick each of them up, she took time to glance over them hoping to get more insight into his grief.  And what grief it was.  There were two over due notices from florists for flowers sent to two different cemeteries.  One large bill contained a letter from a nursing home insisting that his mother's estate did not cover the cost of her care and would he please pay them. 

 

So many deaths.  Ostara looked at all the papers in her hands.  Was there no end to this cruelty?  Just when he was beginning to find hope he was thrown into despair again.  All her success today, ruined!  She looked heavenward.  Why? 

 

Ostara waited for an answer.  Then she waited some more, remembering that god was very busy and patience was often important.  No answer came.  Not even a plain old white snowflake just to let her know god was listening.  If an angel didn’t have the ear of god, what hope did Nick have?

 

“Oh Nick!”  Ostara just couldn’t bear the sorrow she felt for him.  She looked toward the window.

 

She could see a flicker of light.  She considered that a good sign and, squaring her shoulders, prepared to face the worst.  He sat in the darkness, the only light from the TV.  It took a moment before she realized he was watching home videos.  She guessed they were of the departed loved ones whom he had been so heartlessly reminded of. 

 

For hours she watched him as he watched video after video, staring straight ahead, showing no emotion.  It was as though he were torturing himself, driving the pain deep, inoculating himself against future shocks. 

 

Nick could barely get to his feet.  There was no doubt he had had a few too many.  Ostara’s heart ached deeply for the pain her charge suffered.  She laid her head against the window, her tears frosting the glass.  She sighed, knowing this assignment was beyond her skills.

 

He turned his head as if he heard her.  His eyes!  They had turned the color of Christmas!  Now how could that be?  His eyes had never been such a deep green.  Somehow the fact that they were bloodshot only made them more intense.  He walked to the window.

 

She knew the moment his eyes changed from sadness to confusion.  She realized he had moved to the window and was looking right at her.  But that was impossible!  She was invisible to the world of humans unless she allowed herself to be seen.  He stepped away from the window giving her just enough time to flit back to her hiding place in the tree.  He opened his door and looked at the window.  His eyes slowly lowered to the ground and he frowned.  She wondered at his expression until her eyes fell to the spot where, in her concern she had forgotten to float and had left two footprints in front of his window. 

 

Once again she held her breath.  He looked from the footprints to the base of the tree where the snow pile was significantly smaller than it had been when he went inside.  His gaze rose up the trunk of the tree.  Ostara closed her eyes and froze.  With all the heavenly power she had in her, she wished herself invisible.  He stared at the treetop for a while before slowly turning back to the window.  He brushed the footprints away with a quick sweep of his own foot and went back inside.  "Too much alcohol," he grumbled as the door slammed behind him.

 

 

 

 

 

Heaven was rarely silent, therefore when the quieting got closer to her, god turned to see what the commotion was about.  Her eye was immediately drawn to Hecate and god frowned.  Her conversations with Hecate were never pleasant.  That's why god took great relief in the fact that Hecate rarely left her home...unless it was to stir up trouble. 

 

No doubt she had heard about Ostara' new assignment.  It was possible that Hecate had come to see for herself.  It was more likely that she had come to make sure Ostara failed.  In all the mistakes Ostara had made, god had noticed she was rarely alone in those moments.  It had often occurred to god that they may have been instigated by someone else, and now god wondered how many times Hecate had been involved.

 

God moved to meet Hecate as if to keep her away from the Pool of Sight.  "Hecate.  It has been a long while since we have seen you in this realm.  What brings you here?"  There was no undertone of greeting from god that she might have had had any other angel approached.

 

"I am tired of exile.  Even in Heaven I find myself imprisoned.  It is time for freedom."

 

"You are free to move through Heaven as all the rest of the angels."

 

"Am I?" Hecate sneered.  "It seems to me that you welcome all other angels, but I come and you want to know what trouble I bring."

 

"Are you saying you didn't bring trouble with you?" God was very careful to keep her tone neutral.  She knew many of the angels watched.  Those who were not there to hear for themselves were on their way.

 

"I have heard the cries of men.  It is time we walked among them again."  A great gasp echoed through Heaven.

 

Still god did not re-act.  "You are free to walk among men at any time."

 

"Yes, but not free to return to Heaven, nor to keep my divinity."

 

"True.  If you leave you may not return to us.  Nor will you remain an angel."

 

Hecate did as no other angel had ever done.  Even Lucifer had kept a respectful distance.  Hecate leaned close to god and in the barest of whispers said, "I will no longer sit in silence under your rule.  Even on earth there are those who deny you.  And I am not the first in Heaven."

 

In that moment god swelled.  Her essence encompassed all of Heaven with grand might.  In a resounding voice which pained the minds of all the angels god declared, "Enough!  I will not have another Heavenly war!  You wish to walk among mortals, then do so, but do it alone!" 

 

The pain Tlazolteotl felt falling from the moonbeam was pure bliss compared to the agony Hecate felt when cast from god's presence.